The letter from the health department read like this in so many words: “Your lifestyle has caught up with you and you have been a naughty girl.  You have contracted something possibly, but we wanna make sure it’s positively HIV.”

Now, it didn’t mention those 4 capital letters (AIDS), but knowing that was the only test I took, didn’t make it better.   So I called the number and made the appointment, now reflecting on all the days of my enjoyment, considering I am only 23, with plenty of life ahead of me, and yes I have BIG dreams.”

Two days from now comes the answer to “it”, do I or do I not have is the question, I reminisce on all the days I was promiscuous and WOW, I hadn’t realized how reckless I had been not listening to the words of the wise.

The day has come and in the office I begin to pray “Dear God, please forgive my sins I didn’t know what I was doing.”  My heart begins the beat of fear; the butterflies have come out of their cocoons, floating in my belly as I enter the room.

The counselor comes in with her paper and pen, I try to see her facial expression, but there is none.  “Well young lady your test came back positive, so according to the CDC that means you have HIV, but don’t give up hope you can still live your life, just not as carefree as you may wanna be.”

She broke everything down and gave me some literature to read.  My next steps were to see a doctor for more testing and locate the one who infected me, a task I focus on fearfully.

I get out my old black books and cry as I sit on my bed, here I am 23, HIV positive and scared.  WHY! I scream this is just a dream, but the pinch didn’t wake me, just bruised me.  I’m dying because my ignorance has overcome me.

After 2 weeks of calls and threats on my head, the clinic calls I thought to check on my progress, only to find out my paperwork was mis-interpreted and my test was really negative.   She called to apologize for the mistake, but I was already on my knees thanking God for his mercy and grace, and another chance; I realized then to become abstinent because having unprotected sex is a deadly game to play.

This has a happier ending than my friend.  Again thank you for the opportunity to share.

I got it from my first boyfriend. I was so lost. They told me there was another kid that had it and I could continue to stay there, but all I wanted was to go and die at home. I called my mom and she was always my strength. I told her Mom, I have AIDS, she paused and told me, don’t worry you will not die from this.  2 days later I was home and just waiting for death. Back then, people were dropping like flies and AZT was the only thing available. I went to a social worker they referred me to and a doctor that gave me a paper saying if you take AZT, it may damage your internal organs. I said NO WAY I’m taking that, and I believe I did the right thing not taking those high dosages of AZT back then.

I didn’t take any anti-retroviral drugs for almost 10 years and kept myself healthy or as healthy as I could be with natural medicine. I do take my medication now. It has been almost 2o years. I have learned a lot in this process and also helped many along the way infected and affected. First of all, I never died as I thought I learned to love myself more and to take care of myself more. I have taken away the stigma of being HIV+ and taught many people. I also became an activist and HIV peer educator. I learned, in this process, that I am still living to have hope, how being positive made me a more positive person! And that although I say I am HIV positive the way I feel is that I am a human being that happens to have the condition of being HIV positive. I have learned to be stronger, and in this entire journey where I am the most fulfilled is helping everyone, especially young people, because I also became infected at such a young age. So I have gone to schools to teach them and tell them look at me. Not to toot my own horn but I am an attractive female and they look at me and think.

I have been in many conferences and also a pre- and post- counselor, testing people as well as an HIV educator for Jackson Memorial Hospital for almost 5 years, and a volunteer for the Red Cross and just very involved. I wish I would have had someone like me when I was told I was infected! As I do with them when I tell them you are HIV positive but wait, I hold them and say look at me I am too and you are not alone and if you do what you are supposed to do you will live a long life. Just look at me as your example and that calms them down.  That makes me happy to give is one of the most wonderful things a human being can do.

I just have so much to tell and my story is very complex and I have been through so much and learned so much in these 20 years and I am still going through different phases in my life with life’s ups and downs. I can truly say that being positive saved my life and brought many learning experiences.

More about Maria:  My name is Maria Mejia. I am a 37 year old Colombian female that lives in Miami, FL. I’ve been positive for 20 years. Although almost all my life I have been in long term relationships with HIV negative men, I am happily married to a woman that is wonderful and caring.  We have been together almost 3 years and she is HIV negative. I have no children but we will look into having some. I am an activist, a peer educator, a caregiver. I volunteered for the Red Cross in education for the Hispanic HIV community and also the American community.  I was a pre- and post-test counselor. I have spoken in may conferences and have done a lot of outreach in the community, especially in the schools for prevention and education and it is part of my every day life to educate everyone I can in this subject .Being HIV positive is nothing to be ashamed about! We are strong women, and we will take away all the stigmas slowly but we have to open up.

I remember my poor, strong mother when I told her. She told me you will not die from this, but you will tell the family you have another disease. I was a kid and she was ignorant to the subject but without her love and support I would have never made it. Being HIV+ is not a punishment, it is just a condition that we have to live with! And it’s not a disease of homosexuals, drug addicts or prostitutes.  I have seen everyone from infants to 80 year old ladies with this condition! We have to empower ourselves and give ourselves self worth and teach people not to pity us. Believe me at the end of the day they end up admiring us because as I say we are soldiers.  We were struck with something delicate and serious. I am not going to sit here and minimize the seriousness of the illness it is not easy.  That is also what I teach people that think oh, I will just not protect myself because I just take some pills and I am fine! Just because they see I look good and look healthy.  They don’t know the side effects and things we have to endure mentally with this illness! So with all this being said let’s continue this battle because one day we will look back and say YES, WE MADE IT!!!

Peace and Love,
Maria